98+ Carpentry Puns to Make You Giggle

One of the oldest skilled trades, carpentry is still heavily used in contemporary construction. For use in buildings and other constructions, it entails the cutting, shaping, and installation of wood (timber). Here is a list of carpentry puns for you to laugh loud. 

Funny Carpentry Puns

Here is a list of some amusing Carpentry Puns. There are some unheard-of carpenter-and-weaver Puns you can tell your buddies to make you laugh aloud. 

Take your time reading any puns or riddles where the setup or punchline is a question with answers. We sincerely hope that you will find these Carpentry puns entertaining enough to share and amuse others.

  • When an elderly man approaches, Jesus is down by the gates of Heaven. 
  • What have you done to merit entrance to Heaven, then? by St. Peter. 
  • To be really honest, I’m just a regular carpenter,” the man says. He underwent numerous hardships and changes later in life. He brought happiness, and his tale is still told today all over the world. 
  • Jesus asks, “Father?” as he turns to face the guy with a tear in his eye. The man turns around and asks, “Pinocchio?” His girlfriend has been complaining to Pinocchio. 
  • Pinnochio’s girlfriend has been complaining to him. I get splinters every time we make love, she claimed. 
  • Have you heard the tale of the miraculous hammer and the blind carpenter? He took the hammer and saw it in his hand. 
  • Have you heard about the carpenter with the odd eyes? He is literally unable to even.
  • Have you heard the tale of the miraculous hammer and the blind carpenter? He took the hammer and saw it in his hand. 
  • Why were all Roman structures constructed of stone? The carpenter was crucified. 
  • How can a carpenter construct stairs efficiently? He anticipates everything. 
  • What follows a one-night stand for a carpenter? One that matches the opposite side of the bed. 
  • A clever jab from my pal, the carpenter, to the doctor. So this Dr. hired my buddy, a carpenter, to do some work around the house, and as my friend was adding molding to disguise his uneven cut, the doctor was curiously peering over his shoulder. 
  • Who was the first carpenter in history? Eve. She created Adam’s fruit stand. 
  • What motivated the carpenter to enlist? He wanted to become a drill sergeant, so my carpenter had to be let go. He was a misogynist, and it turns out. 
  • Visit a brothel by a carpenter. I had a trio that included two bi whores. 
  • “He who lives by the sword shall also die by the sword,” stated Jesus once. 
  • He may have had a point; after all, he was a carpenter who was killed by being nailed to a piece of wood. 
  • I’ve been the subject of secrets from my wife. Just recently, I installed some paving and a fence. It turns out that she is not only a skilled bricklayer but also a master carpenter. 
  • My partner is skilled at building things. There is no wood waste. 
  • What follows a one-night stand for a carpenter? The second bedside table. I’m truly sorry. 
  • How come Mary was a virgin? Because Joseph the Carpenter was a self-taught woodworker.
  • What distinguishes a carpet installer from a carpenter? (NSFW) 
  • A carpenter will place his wood anywhere if the money is appropriate, but a carpet installer wants the carpet to match the draperies. 
  • What have cam ladies and carpenters got in common? They each make a living by tapping their fingers. “I see,” the blind carpenter answered. He stumbled over his hammer and noticed.
  • The carpet installer wants the carpet to match the draperies, but if the money’s right, a carpenter will place his wood anywhere. 
  • What are the similarities between cam girls and carpenters? They both make a living by whacking their fingertips. 
  • A carpenter I met said he made stools when I asked. They’re all garbage, I add, adding “me too.” 
  • The Mexican carpenter I once met boasted about never sleeping with the same woman twice and specialized in bedroom furnishings. 
  • Every time a bus crossed the street outside, a woman’s closet door began to make obnoxious noises. She then made a call to a carpenter to inspect it. 
  • The carpenter arrives to investigate the issue but finds nothing. A loud creaking noise was audible as a bus crossed the roadway at that precise moment. He found it hard to believe. 
  • He then informed her that he would be waiting inside the closet to investigate the source of the noise.

Carpentry Puns

There are many puns about buildings, but not all of them are intended to make people laugh. This is why we’ve put up a collection of the funniest carpentry and building one-liners and puns for you to enjoy.

  • I once had a carpenter who was a workaholic. It’s either me or your tools, I told her. 
  • She went with the ladder. Carpenter to judge: “During a drugs raid in a gaming establishment, you were detained. How did you get there?” Your honor, I’m making a bolt for the door. 
  • He who lives by the sword also dies by the sword, according to Jesus. 
  • In all honesty, he was right about the money. He was a carpenter, after all, and his death was caused by being beaten to a piece of wood. 
  • The first carpenter to be mentioned in the Bible was who? Eve. She built Adam’s frankfurter stand. 
  • My carpenter was informed that I didn’t want carpeted steps. He handed me an empty stair.
  • By five o’clock today, my carpenter friend delivered me a single plank of wood. I was livid! What is wrong, he enquired. “You said you’d bring me a two-by-four,” 
  • A statistician, a carpenter, and an engineer go deer hunting. 
  • A large buck approaches them as they wait in their blind. The engineer rises and attempts a shot but fails. Darn, two yards to the left, he mutters. 
  • The woodworker attempts a shot but fails. He remarks, “darn, two yards to the right.” 
  • The statistician yells and stands up, “YES! We have him!” 
  • How did the carpenter who was blind regain his sight? He merely grabbed a hammer and saw. 
  • What does a cold-hearted pirate carpenter say? Shuddering woods.
  • Which band is a carpenter’s favorite? 9-inch nails. 
  • What did the carpenter remark when he discovered his boss and the secretary together? I took in too much! 
  • I’m not a very good carpenter; when one door closes, another one opens. 
  • I grew up in a chaotic household. My dad was a crazy drunken carpenter. 
  • I could never work for myself as a freelance carpenter. I lack a great deal of shelf discipline. 
  • How do builders obtain certification? A board exam is taken. 
  • As one door closes, another one opens, my grandfather used to say. Awesome man.
  • My ex-wife had affairs with a carpenter, an electrician, and a plumber. She was a master of many skills. 
  • When one door closes, another one opens, stated Jesus Christ: Not the best statement to be made by a carpenter.
  • What’s the first step in enrolling in a carpentry program? Sending a sample of your feces. 
  • Why do women do carpentry so poorly? Fingers are spaced roughly 4 inches apart as the hand is held in the air. 
  • Since they constantly hear from males that this is eight inches. I was going to make a joke about carpentry and post it here. But I didn’t think it was woodwork……..
  • I, therefore, chose to replace it with some metalwork. However, I realized it was steel and wooden construction. 
  • I tried to think of a carpenter pun that would work… I believe I nailed it! 
  • Why can’t anarchists build anything? There are none there.
  • I believed my friend was utilizing my carpentry equipment without my consent. 
  • I also recognized a sign when he boasted about creating a new front entrance adornment. 
  • I looked for a carpentry-related pun, but I couldn’t locate anything. 
  • After doing some little carpentry, I notice that my confidence constantly increases. I’m not bad about my shelves. 
  • My carpentry exam was recently completed. For drilling, I received 80%, for planning, 90%, and for hammering, 100%! You got it! 
  • A dog is seeking employment… He finds a vacant construction site with a job posting. 
  • The dog approaches the foreman and offers to work and is ready to get started right away. The foreman inquires about the dog’s background in carpentry and building. 
  • Some; I’ve got a lot of experience, the dog responds. 
  • I once dated a girl who had a carpentry compulsion. “You have to choose between me and your equipment,” I said. She went with the ladder. 
  • In need of carpentry, the monks traveled down to a little settlement… The villager’s question about why they were giving so freely was met with the head monk’s simple response, “Isn’t it obvious? Reposting for good karma.
  • When one door closes, another will open, according to dad. He was never able to master carpentry. 
  • An account of my carpentry experience. It was dull. 
  • A lot of industries will be silently replaced by AI until it reaches the carpentry sector, at which point everyone will start emerging from the woodwork. 
  • Is it true that you’re proud of your passion for woodworking, Mr. Sean Connery? Yes, I enjoy discussing my shelf. 
  • What was the name of the Little Rock store that Noah opened selling carpentry supplies? Ark-n-Saw.
  • Whom would you consult for carpentry advice among the breakfast gurus? The sages of the saw. 
  • A genie is found by a carpenter in a lamp. Man is informed by the genie, “I can grant you just one wish, sorry. What do you want, exactly?” 
  • The joiner replies: “You know that my passion is carpentry. I wish I could communicate with my tools. They are my friends, after all”. It is created by the genie. 
  • TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool joint effort that was never completed in the studio due to labor disputes. It was known as Tillegal Carpentry. 
  • Two lumberjacks are felling a tree. A tree is being chopped down by two lumberjacks. 
  • On a desert island alone were a carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest, and an economist. 
  • “I could cut the trees down and build a raft.” The carpenter says. “I can sew a few sheets together to make a mast.” The tailor says.
  • The sailor says. “I shall say a prayer for fair breezes and fortune.” According to the priest.
  • I love carpenters as I love my split ends, and by that, I mean I cut them.
Carpentry Puns

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