257+ English Puns That Will Have You Looking Out for Grammar Nazis

The English language is an amusing one, yet the most used and recognized in the whole world. Days and moments pass by, but we fail to realize how funny we actually speak! Take a look at this specially curated list of English Puns and Jokes that are sure to knock your socks off. After all, English’ puns’ are intended to do so.

Funny English Jokes

Grammar Nazis may or may not make fun of someone in case of a misplaced apostrophe or a comma in a sentence. We never know until it happens. But regardless, it is quite funny an incident not to share. Let us now pronouns a specially curated list of Funny English Puns that will bring some giggles around the place.

  • You look very pail for carrying water back from the well.
  • The goldfish thought it was familiar with tanks before signing up as a volunteer for the upcoming war, but now it can’t figure out how to drive a war-tank.
  • I transformed into a vegetarian, but I think it was a big miss steak.
  • I saw tons of ice-creams and chocolates walking on the street. It was pretty desserted that night.
  • My English instructor asked me to name two pronouns. Startled, I asked, “Who, me?”
  • I was horrified when I received a text message from my sister on the family group. It read, “Let’s eat grandma.” I rushed home to find out they were just having lunch together.
  • My friend is amazing at all twenty-five letters of the alphabet, but he doesn’t know Y.
  • A boy got seriously injured when a stack of books fell on top of him. He only had his shelf to blame.
  • Did you know seven days without an English pun makes one weak?
  • I remained up all night to follow the sun’s path before it dawned on me.
  • Double negatives are a big no-no.
  • Why is a group of squids not referred to as a squad?
  • As creative writers, we should avoid cliches like the plague.
  • I went to Italy for summer break. Just Rome and around and pasta some time, it was beautiful.
  • Creative writers are always write.
  • The new actor was bard from playing the role of Macbeth because his acting skills sucked.
  • When I got bored of playing my instrument, I wrote a song on a tortilla. It was a wrap.
  • I do not comma here often, but it is a good place to write.
  • The criminal’s greatest skill is his lie ability.
  • Our English instructor didn’t promote the Braille language because it was too touch-sensitive.
  • What is funnier than someone who yells, “Your an idiot!”
  • I’m not sure if she wanted to ask me out or just axe me, because then I should be scared.
  • Whenever April rolls around, the ‘Winter’s Tail’ is behind us.
  • All classic book lovers crave a Hamlet for breakfast.
  • The boiling water will be mist.
  • The rowdy food items got into a nasty food fight.
  • The police encountered a bunch of cereal killers the other day.
  • Sleeping pills are always so tired.
  • Sleeping bags are always so tired.
  • I was excited to receive my first celery.
  • The rowdy pillows got into a nasty pillow fight.
  • I am extremely upset, and I want to vent out to someone.
  • It is best to use a tuning fork to tune an instrument.
  • It was a satire, sitting all alone.
  • Frankenstein’s brother prefers eye candy, rather than eating brains.
  • The soap opera was full of bubbles and magnificent.
  • The candy cane and snickers visited the Candy Bar to calm their nerves.
  • When spaghetti meet ball, they make a great dish.
  • The failing student just needed some encourage-mint.
  • I switched on the limelight and started studying at a random burst of energy at 3 AM.
  • The mint reached the battlefield with a spear. Just like his brave grandfather, the spearmint.
  • I wanted to roll my eyes, but it would be painful to put them back in.
  • The tomato jam and the blueberry jam met at the chef’s house to have a jamming session.
  • “Do you want a peas of me?” said the angry pea.
  • When cereal killers entered the house, they grabbed the mug and said, “This is a mugging! Now fork it over!”
  • They were whipped and eggshausted after the marathon.
  • The secret ingredient to my carrot cake is just some encourage-mint to liven up the tired soul.
  • I knocked on my best friend’s door and handed over a date to her. “I saved the date for you.” I cheekily remarked.
  • The pendrive all the files in my computer into a small storage. It was a relief.
  • The duck doesn’t give a quack about autocorrect.
  • The soap and the body wash met at the soap bar to calm their nerves.
  • The sponge came home to take a relaxing sponge bath at the end of a nerve-wracking day.
  • My brand-new textbook on antigravity is incredibly fascinating. It is impossible to put it down.
  • “Peas calm down and fasten your seat belts!” said the air hostess in a turbulent flight.
  • “Peas calm down,” the therapist said to the depressed patient.
  • It was a war with words.
  • Why are creative writers always write?
  • “What is so punny?” asked the angry book titled Fun with English Puns.
  • Next week, 11 consonants, 8 vowels, a comma, and an exclamation point will be sentenced in court.
  • Thank you for clarifying what ‘many’ means; it means a lot.
  • Past, Present, and Future all visited a store together. Everything was tense.
  • The little boy was nervous about his English exam. The tenses never failed to make him tense and forget the right answer.
  • We were just fission for laughter with the fat book of English Puns.
  • The advertisement went on a venture and called itself an ‘adventure.’
  • What sentence did the judge pronouns?
  • The English teacher collected a fine called ‘syntax’ for every error a student in her class made.
  • The por-table is tired after being moved around all day.
  • Autocorrect is an individual’s worst enema.
  • I didn’t like my new hairstyle at first. Then it grew on me.
  • An energizer bunny was recently arrested and charged with battery.
  • Two peanuts were walking into a bar, but they were a-salted by cereal killers.
  • People who like to eat snails must hate fast food.
  • The sheep visited the baa-baa shop to get its fleece cut.
  • I was told to name two structures that hold water, but nothing came to my mind. I just said, “Well, dam.”
  • Broken pencils are nothing but pointless.
  • I sent 10 original English puns to a joke contest. Sadly, no pun in 10 did (no pun intended) win.
  • He was nacho my friend anymore, but a sworn enema.
  • “Why won’t you taco ’bout it?” asked the concerned counselor.
  • I am in Daniel that I failed the test.
  • He was so board, that he wished something fun wood come along.
  • The bicycle was two tired after 12 hours of cycling.
  • The test was too cornfusing.

English Jokes

It is a perfect plan to get closer to your English instructor and be the popular child who always has something witty to say with the help of this specially curated list of English Puns and Jokes. Who’s to say, you might even earn a seat in the front row at Shakespeare’s lesson!

  • What is an English dinosaur called? A Thesaurus.
  • What is a bear with no teeth known as? A gummy bear.
  • What is an alligator wearing a vest called? An investigator.
  • How can I organize a space party in so little time? You just planet.
  • What is a cow without legs known as? Ground beef.
  • What is an everyday potato known as? A commentator.
  • What is an owl who does magic tricks known as? Hoodini.
  • What is a frog’s most common position in a hotel? To be a bellhop.
  • Why is a lion so suspicious? Because it keeps li-on to everybody.
  • Why is a cheetah so cunning? Because it is a total cheat-ah.
  • What kind of shorts are clouds comfortable with? Thunderwear.
  • What is a lazy kangaroo known as? A pouch potato.
  • What did the buffalo say to his son when he departed? “Bison!”
  • What are Santa’s elves known as? Subordinate clauses. 
  • What does the priest say when two English grad students get married? “I now pronouns you she and he.”
  • Which dinosaur knows most of the synonyms? The Thesaurus.
  • Which is the most educated dinosaur? The Thesaurus.
  • How did the English grad student bless her daughter who was getting married to her boyfriend? By saying, “Metaphors be with you!”
  • What did English majors say when they start watching Star Wars, the movie? “Metaphors be with you!”
  • What did the English instructor say just before an open-mic poem day? “Metaphors be with you!”
  • What did the Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
  • What is a poet’s most desired breakfast? A synonym roll.
  • Who is the most dangerous gangster in the English world? The Apostrophe.
  • What is an English Literature student’s favorite breakfast dish? A Hamlet.
  • What is an English Literature student’s go-to dish at McDonald’s? A MacBeth.
  • What is Shakespeare’s favorite fruit? Pear.
  • What is Shakespeare’s go-to dish at McDonald’s? A MacBeth.
  • What is a Shakespearean play that has been written up and saved as a Word document called? A play on Word.
  • What makes a Caesar salad? Stabbing vegetables 23 times.
  • What is a group of dinosaurs singing known as? A Tyrnannochorus.
  • Why did the banana have to visit the hospital? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
  • What is a horror story of fruits known as? Pearanormal activity.
  • What did the bread say to the butter? “I’m butter than you!”
  • What did the wheels of his car say after the long drive? “I’m tired.”
  • What did the ocean say to the shore? It just waved.
  • What did Frankenstein say when he discovered hairdryers? “This is blowing my mind!”
  • What did the tired pillow say? “Everyone has to get off my case!”
  • Where did the three friends go to drink Scotch? On the rocks.
  • What did the belt buckle say after a long weekday? “I’m waisted!”
  • What is a star’s title at an army post? A shooting star.
  • What did one lightbulb say to the other? “Watts up?”
  • Why are Legos so friendly? Because they connecting with each other.
  • Why was the candy walking with a slouched back? Because it was holding a candy cane.
  • Why are puzzle pieces always so confused? Because they are puzzled.
  • How did rain propose to the sky? While wearing a rain-bow.
  • How to break into a musician’s house? With a keynote.
  • What is a watchman’s favorite snack? A watchdog.
  • What made the English grad students constantly laugh? A book on English Puns and Jokes.
  • What do we call donuts who are good at playing the sport of basketball? Dunkin’ Donuts.
  • What is the title of a book written by a stand-up comedian who majored in English? “Pun with English Puns.”
  • Why was the gut so sad? It was getting a bad gut feeling.
  • Why was the dandelion so optimistic? Because it was feeling dandy.
  • What sport are Dunkin’ Donuts best at? Basketball.
  • Where did the coins go? To the headquarters.
  • What did the angry duck say? Quack quack!
  • Where is your bath and body employed? The Bath & Body Works.
  • Who are a creative writer’s favorite pals? The comma, apostrophe, and period.
  • Why did everyone hate Donald? Because he kept swearing in autocorrect.
  • Who were the Grammar Nazis? The Germans who killed jew who did not speak correct English.
  • What did one toilet seat say to the other? “You look very flushed.”
  • Why won’t the shrimp share the treasure they found? Because they were shellfish.
  • What happens when you park a frog illegally? It is toad away.
  • What did the fish say when it swam against a wall? “Dam.” 
  • What is a fish without eyes known as? Fsh. 
  • What is a pig best at doing? Bacon. 
  • Why did the restaurant readily hire the pig? Because it was good at bacon.
  • Why did the scarecrow receive an honorary title? Because he was out-standing in that field.
  • Why was the bicycle incapable of standing up on its own feet? Because it was two tired.

Similar Posts: