100+ Horrible Puns that Will Positively Make You Cringe

At times, nothing is cringier than simple wordplay. But what if that wordplay is funny enough to make you look up from your gloom and actually make you smile and giggle? Welcome to the landing page of 100+ Horrible Puns that will positively make you cringe because, in this case, you’re a proton.

Funny Horrible Puns

Having a bad day? Need to cheer someone up? Use these horrible puns to at least let an eye roll. But not too far, or it’ll be painful to put back in. A horrible pun a day keeps the horrid face away, the comedian says. 

  • Clouds only prefer their trusty thunder-ware rather than brands like Jockey.
  • The wheels of my car must be tired after the long road trip.
  • I can’t go on the rocks because I’m underage and cannot drink. 
  • A candy cane is basically the grandma of all the candies.
  • The Dunkin’ Donuts won the basketball game.
  • “Thank you for clarifying what ‘many’ means; it means a lot to me,” I said to my Grammar Nazi friend, expecting an amused chuckle, but all I get is an angry glare.
  • A witch and a physicist create potions using their motions, or are they just the same?
  • Protons have the potential to become incredible motivational speakers for having such a talent of being positive.
  • Two peanuts were just about to walk into the bar, but they were a-salted by the two cereal killers on loose.
  • The duck doesn’t give a rat’s quack about autocorrect.
  • A lot has been done in response to political scandals. We must contact the congressperson to get Newton’s third law repealed as soon as possible.
  • Einstein’s Theory of Relatives depicts that the likelihood of your in-laws visiting you is inversely correlated with how much you enjoy being alone. Beware!
  • Anything that doesn’t matter does not have mass and so anything that doesn’t matter doesn’t exist for me!
  • A physicist’s house was robbed and all the precious Jouls were taken.
  • I wanted to roll my eyes, but it would be painful to put them back in, lest I can’t wear contact lenses.
  • Sleeping pills are always so tired.
  • The boiling water will be mist.
  • People who like to eat snails must hate fast food.
  • Watt is the unit of power?
  • Relatively speaking, he didn’t enjoy Einstein’s lecture.
  • I wish they would lettuce leave the lecture in between.
  • After several years of dedication and effort, Einstein finally completed his theory on space. It was about time, he said.
  • I have always wondered why a group of squids is not called a squad, rather.
  • The beam of light, although rich and traveling in a flashy car, had been arrested for speeding.
Horrible Puns
  • A deer can jump higher than the average height of a house. Because houses can’t jump.
  • I have a great novel idea about inertia, but I cannot seem to find the momentum to write.
  • I have always wondered, why are vacuums so loud if sound is unable travel in a vacuum-like space?
  • Sleeping bags are always so tired.
  • A salad kept my family hostage. It is not going to lettuce leaf until we pay its costs.
  • The brand-new book about electricity that I picked up from the science library the other day is giving me a shock with all its interesting facts.
  • Most circuit engineers prefer to have their news fresh and current.
  • He spent the whole weekend playing Kale of Duty.
  • “It’s not possible to know what happened before the Big Bang because I found no time to study about it,” said Sheldon Cooper, his face twitching from the embarrassment.
  • I made a fish when I saw a falling star.
  • bNo one could figure out why was the ocean screaming. Why you would too if you had lobsters stuck to your bottom.
  • I am cray-sea for sea food.
  • Sea food is shrimply the best.
  • The sea animals like to be claw-fee rather than stressed.
  • I want to become a prawnfessional chef.
  • Sarah needed a break and craved to go to the beach for a peaceful vacation. She needed vitamin sea.
  • I am weighting for my abs.
  • “Thank you for lifting me up when I was grief-stricken,” said the dumbbells that were never used.
  • Waffles are technically pancakes that have abs.
  • One cannot spell gym without why.
  • Santa sleighed his workout routine.
  • Oh shoes! I forgot to bring socks to wear with my sneakers.
  • Watch out for sneakers you don’t know! There has been a lot of theft and sneaking around lately.
  • Sleeping pills and sleeping bags are always so tired.
  • The poor-table was so tired after being moved around all day.
  • These horrible puns are so cray-sea.
  • Horri couldn’t stop laughing at the puns, until she realized, they were horrible puns.
  • Terri and Horri went to a bookstore to come across a book titled “The Tales of Terri and Horri; Terrible and Horrible.”
  • Holly though it was going to be a happy holiday, but it turned out to be terrible.
  • The horrible puns will not be mist.
  • The sisters went to visit the ho-Ribble river in England.
  • As the horrible puns grew on me and made me laugh, I saw a ho-ripple effect because I couldn’t stop giggling.
  • Out of two twin sisters, the one always feels left out. The same was in the case of Adorable and Horrible.
  • Liars are mean. They aren’t pretty. They’re Horrible Little Liars.
  • “A horrible bird told me you’re getting married and I realized I’m not invited,” Leonard’s mother enquired, pushing up her glasses on the bridge of her nose.
  • The migratory bird travels across the world, Europe, Horrible East, Africa, where not?
  • Mary had a horrible lamb who ran away and became someone’s meal.
  • “There nose my life!” screamed Michael Jackson after the plastic surgery.
  • The German Physicist liked to drink his beer with ein stein.
  • Everyone hated Donald because he kept on swearing in autocorrect.
  • I cannot figure out why the puzzle pieces always so puzzled and unsolvable.
  • I kept tossing and turning all night because I dreamt that I ruined my bowl of salad.
Horrible Puns

Horrible Jokes

Fission for some laughter, are we? After your parade of horribles, we have got your back, not to worry. Check out these horrible puns and jokes to make your day slightly better, or perhaps, even make your enemies laugh! Oh no, that would be horrible.

  • What is a dinosaur of an English origin called? A Thesaurus.
  • Which dinosaur is the smartest and has the biggest vocabulary of all? The Thesaurus.
  • What did the Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
  • Which is the most educated dinosaur? The Thesaurus.
  • What makes a Caesar salad? Stabbing vegetables twenty-three times.
  • What is a group of dinosaurs singing known as? A Tyrnannochorus.
  • How can I organize a space party in so little time? You just planet.
  • What is a lazy kangaroo known as? A pouch potato.
  • How did rain propose to the sky? While wearing a rain-bow, it started crying and pulled out a thunder-ring.
  • How to break into a musician’s residence? With a special keynote.
  • What is a watchman’s favorite snack? A watchdog other than the usual hotdog.
  • Why was Harish’s stomach upset? Because it was getting a bad gut feeling.
  • Why was the gut so anxious? It was getting a familiar bad gut feeling.
  • What is a cow without legs known as? Beef on ground.
  • How does a dog smell when he plays with mud? Horrible.
  • Why was the bicycle unable to stand up on its own? Because it was two tired to do so.
  • What did the llama say when it was told they were going on a road trip? “Alpaca lunch!”
  • What is a terrible horror movie called? A horror-ble movie.
  • What was the name of the ugly princess? Horrible.
  • What were the names of the ugly sisters? Terrible and Horrible.
  • What did Terri say when her parents asked Horri to get ready for the day out as well? “Horri-ble.”

If you’re on the hunt for more jokes and puns, then check out these Terrible Puns That Are Funnier Than You Think They Are!

Horrible Puns
  • What is a horrible pun that is actually funny? A Ho-rebel pun.
  • What did Ho’s little sister say when she lost her ribbon? “Ho-ribbon?”
  • What is a werewolf wearing a neon pink tracksuit known as? A right there-wolf.
  • What did Sherlock Holms say when he couldn’t get to the bottom of the case? “My head hertz.”
  • What is pink and almost always slippery? A pink slipper, duh.
  • Why did they name the bull Horra? Because it was Horra-bull.
  • What did the werewolf call the little girl who escaped from him in the fairy tale? Horrible Red Riding Hood.
  • What did the impatient mother say to her child when he wouldn’t sleep? “Hush, horrible baby, don’t say a word.”
  • What would an impatient Alice say when she loses her way? “I’m Alice in Horrible Land, will you just help?”
  • What did Schrodinger say when asked what his favorite book was, as a child? “It has to be The Cat in The Box by Seuss.”
  • What is the march of all the people who betrayed you called? The parade of horribles.
  • What did the sick Sarah say? “I have a horri-bub code.”
  • What made the abysmal criminals feel good about themselves? The horrible puns; at least they’re not down to their level.
  • What made the nose sniff for laughter? Horrible puns.
  • What is the name of that Tron movie that talks a lot about physics, again? A New-Tron.
  • What do you call a clown in a lockup? A silly con.
  • What do you call a makeup artist in a lockup? A con artist.
  • What is Schrödinger’s favorite movie genre? Sci-Pi ( ψ Φ ).
  • What is the number one location on the nose’s to-travel list? Nose-terdam.
  • What is the nose’s favorite location in Paris? Nostril Dame.
  • From where did the nose graduate? The Nasal Academy.
  • Why is Hank E. appreciated? He makes blow-ups possible.
  • What is an alligator wearing a vest called? An investigator.
  • Why doesn’t Sarah like wearing flip-flops in the mountains? Because she gets cold feet.
  • Why did the foot break up with the toe? Because it was lack-toes-intolerant.
  • Why was the pinky toe dislocated from her feet? Because her feet was lack-toes-intolerant.
  • What is a foot’s favorite snack? Chee-toes.
  • What is a foot’s favorite snack? Burri-toes.
  • What do you name someone who takes energy from the museum? A Joul thief.
  • What did Donald have to say to the physicist? “Quark, quark, quark!”
  • What did the frustrated physics teacher ask his students? “Watts so difficult about the subject?”
  • What is a bear with no teeth known as? A gummy bear.
Horrible Puns

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