219+ Hilarious Nurse Puns that Will Get You Injected with Laughter!

Nursing is a very demanding profession. But occasionally, a funny nurse pun works exactly like medicine! These nurse puns can motivate you to pursue a career as a nurse so that you can provide care for others. We hope you appreciate the funniest compilation of nurse puns! Let’s get injected, then!

Funny Nurse Jokes

Since they put up with so much, nurses must have the best sense of humor among all of us. After a long day at work, telling some nurse puns can be a helpful, all-purpose stress reliever. With our collection of nurse puns, you can relieve your weariness while having a good time.

  • The nurse asked why she needed a red crayon. She had to take a blood sample.
  • Why are nurses frightened of nature? IV, too much poison
  • What despise transplant nurses? Denial.
  • How can you spot a nursing student who’s having a bad day? She keeps teasing people with needles.
  • What would an angry nurse say to an irritating patient? I’m hired to poke people with incredibly sharp objects, so don’t mess with me.
  • Do not irritate a pediatric nurse. There are many little patients there.
  • The man at the airport terminal who passed out was addressed by the nurse. I believe you may be suffering from a terminal disease.
  • Is there anything else I can get you, nurse?
  • “A million dollars!” said the patient.
  • What motivates a nurse to operate at warp speed? A wakeup call in bed or hot coffee in the break room
  • Nurse: Pam is the name of my best buddy. She’s very laid back and fun to be around. She is also known as Diaze Pam, Loraze Pam, and Clonaze Pam.
  • Do you know what a wood frog and a nurse have in common? Both of them have extremely extended bladder holding capacities.
  • Nursing Murphy’s Law: Your greatest attempts almost never seem to prevent the poop from missing the Chux pad.
  • Nursing Murphy’s Law: After finishing your charting, you discover you are in the wrong patient’s chart.
  • “When your patient’s meal plate begins to seem enticing, you know you’re starting to become hangry,” says the nurse.
  • How many nurses are required to install one lightbulb?
  • None; merely a nursing student is employed.
  • Why do blonde nurses often bring red magic markers to the office? In case she needs to draw blood.
  • How can you be certain that the body by the side of the road belongs to a nurse? Because the bladder is full, the stomach is empty, and the back is bitten.
  • “Did you take this patient’s temperature,” the doctor asked the blonde nurse?
  • Nurse: “No. Why does it not exist?
  • “There is a man in the waiting room who believes he is invisible,” the nurse says to the doctor.
  • “Tell him I can’t see him,” doctor.
  • What do two ITU nurses holding hands in English mean? A synapse.
  • In 9 out of 10 cases, an injection is given into a vein.
  • Jokes about PMS are not funny. Period.
  • Did you hear about the person whose entire left side was amputated? He is currently all right.
  • I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I can’t remember the punch line.
Nurse Puns
  • What does it mean when someone says you are out? Urine.
  • A yard sign at a rehab facility….Observes the grass.
  • Due to my lack of irony, I no longer find medical puns amusing.
  • “Will I be able to play the guitar after this operation?” the patient asks the nurse.
  • “Of sure,” said the nurse.
  • “That’s amazing because I couldn’t before,” says the patient.
  • The nurse was instructed by the doctor to approach the medicine cabinet softly. So that the sleeping medications wouldn’t be disturbed.
  • Playing charades is the very worst scenario for a heart attack.
  • I have both good and negative news to share. Please don’t worry; I will inform your widow of the excellent news.
  • “I feel run down,” says the nursing patient.
  • “What provokes you to say that?” asked the nurse.
  • “The tread traces over my legs,” said the patient.
  • Be kind to nurses at all times. Recall that they determine the size of your catheter.
  • Why go to a nurse for small bleeding. Every bleeding just stops. Eventually.
  • When boats get sick, where do they go? On the dock
  • How should a stress ball be applied? The last person to enrage you, throw it at them.
  • The young nurse told me they were quite anxious because it was their first time when I went in for my immunizations and she was scared too. Just boosted them by saying to give their best shot.
  • The nurse attended art school for what purpose? so that they may learn how to take blood.
  • My metabolism likes to be challenged. What will it be today, famine or 6,000 calories?
  • You’ll travel far further than a mile if you try to walk a mile in a nurse’s shoes, and your back will eventually give out.
  • The nurses are responsible for making the conflict tolerable, even though the doctors may be planning the war simulations.
  • The yelling of a doctor frightens a novice nurse. An elderly nurse responds by shouting.
  • When things go awry, the nurse who can smile… most likely leaving work.
  • What number of nurses are required to screw in a light bulb? None. A nursing student does it all by herself.
  • When changing a light bulb, how long does it take a nurse? It took at most 15 seconds to make the adjustment, and it took 20 minutes to record how, when, where, why, and what serial number it had.
  • The doctor asks the nurse, “How is the kid who ate several quarters doing?”
  • Nurse: “No change.”
  • What makes a rectal thermometer different from an oral thermometer? The flavor.
  • What do you name the situation where a hospital is short on maternity nurses? Midwifery crisis
  • Will I be able to play the piano once this procedure is over?
  • A nurse: “Sure! Of course!” 
  • “That’s fantastic because I couldn’t previously,” the patient exclaimed.
  • Why was the nurse instructed by the doctor to proceed past the medicine cabinet quietly? Hence, the sleeping medications wouldn’t be awakened.
  • “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are just two minutes apart,” a man cries into the phone.
  • The nurse inquires if this is the mother’s first kid. “No! Her spouse is there!
  • “You have such a lovely baby,” the nurse remarked to the new parents. I guess you say that to all new parents, the spouse remarked with a smile. No, she answered, “only to those whose infants actually are attractive.” What do you say to the others, the spouse said once more? “The kid looks just like you,” the nurse said in response.
  • “What is the purpose of nurses bringing red magic markers to work?” In case there’s the need to draw blood.
  • Be kind to nurses at all times. Recall that they determine the size of your catheter.
  • A new nurse makes an effort to get along with everyone. An experienced nurse is aware that this energy should only be directed toward becoming friends with the cafeteria cooks, pharmacists, and discharge planners.
  • When the nurse discovered a rectal thermometer in her pocket, what did she say? “My pen is stolen by some jackass!”
Nurse Puns

Nurse Jokes

Although laughter is often referred to as “the best medicine,” it is not the only one; our nurse puns are also one of them. Without the nurses to deliver the real goods, we’d be in trouble. We can only hope that these nurse puns make the nurses out there who work so hard to keep us safe and healthy, especially now, smile. We hope you appreciate these finest nurse puns!

A nurse wandering about with her own IV is spotted by a patient with an IV who is strolling the floor. The nurse answers when questioned about it, saying, “Yours is medicine and mine is coffee. Both are necessary for our health.”

  • Since I lost my ability to laugh at the irony, I no longer find medical puns amusing.

I used to experience heartburn after eating birthday cake until a nurse told me to remove the candles first.

  • My Xray at the hospital today was delayed for a long time. Only a skeleton number of people were employed.
  • A new patient enters a clinic, a male. He must at least fill the cup to this line, the nurse instructs him. The man responds, “I never extract the blood myself when I give blood; the nurse always does it.”
  • I understand, sir, but this is a sperm bank, the nurse retorted.
  • A Roman nurse was engaged by the community hospital. When the IV was given to bed 4, issues came up.
  • To make my fantasy that we have health care come true, I requested my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight.
  • How did people react to the nurse’s Qtips advice? It entered one ear and emerged through the other.
  • The patient experienced heartburn after eating a birthday cake, what did the nurse suggest? She suggested that he extinguish the candles first.
  • Who can tell whether a nurse is having a terrible day? She keeps teasing people with needles.
  • Why do nurses bring sharpies and red pens to work? in case blood must be taken.
  • When a patient who had several vegetables glued to his body enquired as to what was wrong with him, how did the nurse respond? You’re not consuming enough food.
  • What were the three nurses saying regarding the patient who was invisible? He needs to know that the doctor is currently unavailable to see him.
  • What was said by the forgetful nurse? I used to make an amnesia joke, but I can’t remember it now.
  • Why didn’t one nurse laugh at the joke the other nurse told? She was lacking in irony.
  • What does a nurse has to say to the tonsil? You should put on clothes. You’re going to be taken away by the doctor.
  • What does a Vampire has to say to the nurse? Please give the doctor a call. I am powerless to stop the casket.
  • To the patient’s family, what did the nurse say? “The doctor wasn’t able to get the organ donor yesterday,” I didn’t have the heart to inform you.
  • Why did the veteran nurse value the rookie nurses’ efforts? She had carefully organized her alphabetized list of organ donors.
  • What was the patient’s response after lifting something and breaking three ribs? His chest felt as though it were heavy.
Nurse Puns
  • When the nurse told the man that the baby was about to be delivered, what did he say? Please let our baby maintain its liver!
  • What was the nurse’s response to the blood donor? “I am so exhausted; this process is very draining.”
  • Did you learn about the nurse who caused his severe left side injuries? Don’t be alarmed; he is all right for now.
  • What was said to the nurse by the witch? I have a doctor’s appointment because I experienced a dizzy spell.
  • A ghost inquired, “Please tell me what the Xray of my head reveals, nurse.” “Nothing at all”, she exclaimed.
  • HaveEver hear of the guy who kept believing himself to be a bell? He was instructed by the nurse to return home and call her if the sensation persisted.
  • To the rocket ship, what did the nurse say? You should take your booster injection now.
  • When a question was posed, the nurse said, “Do apples really keep the doctor at bay? She said, “If you aim it properly, yes.”
  • When a patient said, “I have eaten a spoon,” what did the nurse say? Please don’t get up; just sit down.
  • What did the patient inquire about after learning that he had a painful appendix? “In contrast to whom?”
  • What did the banana tell the nurse, and why? I’m in this place to visit a doctor. I’m having trouble peeling!
  • When the nurse inquired about what occurred, what did the bucket say? I’m here to visit the doctor, and my face looks like a bucket.
  • Have you heard about the man who used an electric saw to slash his fingers? The man said, “I don’t have the fingers to pick them up,” when the nurse inquired about the missing digits.
  • Why are nurses always so composed? due to the patients.
  • What did the balloon tell the nurse when performing the usual examinations? I’m experiencing dizziness.
  • Why did the robot request that the nurse dial the doctor right away? because a virus was on it.
  • When a boy told the nurse that he stood on a LEGO, what did the nurse say? Try to ignore the discomfort.
  • Why was the nurse perceived by the patient as a curtain? because she could be seen gathering herself.
  • Why was the nurse acting so tensely? because it was his first shot in a hospital.
  • When the patient claimed he felt like a carrot, what did the nurse say? The nurse cautioned him against getting himself into trouble.
  • When a patient claimed he had swallowed a watch, what did the nurse say? These medications will make the time go by.
  • What did the nurse’s pillow say to her? I need assistance; I’m stuffed.
Nurse Puns

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