85+ Funny Old People Puns to Make the Old People Laugh

A little amount of laughing might occasionally be the finest treatment for the aches and pains of aging. Because, despite the fact that you might not feel as young as you once did, aging is inevitable. Why not accept it? Here are some amusing, ridiculous, and downright punny elderly folks’ jokes to help you feel a bit better because you can’t actually stop the aging process. 

Funny Old People Puns

You can live longer by laughing. To live forever, study our “growing old” jokes and ancient jokes. 

It need not be depressing to become older. Use these jokes about seniors and aging folks to make fun of those grey hairs.

  • If you lose something in an assisted living facility, keep looking until you’ve looked at everything. 
  • To live the life of a denture-wearing surfer, the elderly man relocated to Hawaii. 
  • Do retired hockey players ever score a gerihat trick? 
  • Pastry chefs are aware that getting older creeps up on you. 
  • The elderly residence was really safe. A century stood guard at each door. 
  • I don’t care that you’re old—at all! 
  • The Grammys are only watched by older people. 
  • She is an old tarte, so the old baker understands aging! 
  • You’re no spring chicken, as the proverbial young chicken used to say. 
  • You’ve got a muffin from age!
  • How do stars compare to dentures? They both leave their homes at night! 
  • What rises but never descends? your era! 
  • The lovely way of stating you’re progressively losing your appearance is to age gracefully. 
  • At my age, the only pole dancing I do is in the bathtub while holding on to the safety bar. 
  • The later it gets, the older we get. 
  • When you have a party, and your neighbors are completely unaware of it, you know you’re getting older. 
  • Why am I getting wider as I age rather than wiser? 
  • These hairs aren’t grey at all! They are pearls of wisdom! I am quite wise, by the way. 
  • Permit me to recommend that you start lying about your age this year.
  • When the alternative is considered, old age isn’t that horrible. 
  • I would exchange my body for a newer model if it were a car. 
  • My radiant leaks, and my exhaust backfires each time I cough, sneeze, or spit. 
  • You’re simply becoming a classic; you’re not getting older!
  • When the cake is more expensive than the candles, you know you’re getting older.” 
  • I’ve reached an age where my back hurts more than I do.
  • “When you just have one candle on the cake, you know you’re getting older. “See if you can blow this out,” it says.” 
  • “Life is like a roll of toilet paper, I’ve discovered. The speed increases as it nears the finish line.” 
  • This is the oldest I have ever been thus far. 
  • “A man is too old to travel by the time he is wise enough to heed his step.” 
  • “The pickings get thinner as you age, but the people sure don’t.
  • When your doctor tells you to slow down rather than the police, you know you’re getting older.
  • Older birthdays are less enjoyable, but fortunately, there aren’t many more left. 
  • I’ve heard that your social security number is 3, and you’re very elderly. 
  • When the candles are more expensive than the cake, you are elderly. 
  • Congratulations on being able to sneeze, fart, cough, and urinate simultaneously! 
  • Old age brings considerable insight, as well as stray hairs that must be removed. 
Old People Puns
  • Excellence knows no age. 
  • With those candles, your birthday is starting to pose a significant fire risk. 
  • Isn’t it wonderful to realize you’re too old to learn anything the hard way?
  • I wanted to send you a humorous card, but I was worried that you might urinate on yourself, given your age. 
  • Does it seem strange to be the same age as seniors? 
  • Wine is among the 11 items that age well. You. Cheese. 
  • Don’t you wish you were as old as when you first believed you were getting old? 
  • So, 13 years old is what we’re pretending to be this year. 
  • Since I truly feel horrible about how old you are, I won’t be making any age jokes. 
  • You’re only 30; you’re not old (plus shipping and handling). 
  • One more year until you’re back in diapers. 
  • Permit me to recommend that you begin lying about your age this year.
  • You’re welcome for being old. 
  • Smiling while you still have teeth on your birthday! 
  • Twenty. Happy birthday! You appear to be as ancient as dirt.
  • Don’t be concerned about aging. You’ll make foolish decisions anyway, but more slowly. 
  • Happy birthday, cherished buddy. Let’s cash that social security check now and have a wild time! 
  • You are so ancient that you would definitely pass out if I instructed you to act your age. 
  • Happy birthday to someone who has experienced everything but has no memory of any of it. 
  • Happy birthday, age 25! Always remember to treat your children well since they will decide whatever nursing home you choose. 
  • Treat every day as though it were your last because it may be at your age.
  • It’s incredible that we still don’t use glasses at our advanced age. We drink straight from the bottle, so that explains it. On your birthday, cheers! 
  • Happy birthday to my best friend! (You can only hear me that way at your age.) 
  • Bestie, we might live eternally if the good die young. 
  • I’m not saying you’re old, but I’d smell you if you were milk. 
  • Experience brings wisdom. Genius, happy birthday. 
  • We’ll stay close till we’re senile and elderly… we’ll become new buddies after that! (Plus, we can tell this joke every year and laugh as if it were the first time).
  • People your age tend to shatter more easily, so if you celebrate your birthday by getting stumbling drunk tonight, remember to wrap yourself in bubble wrap. 
  • Wine improves with age. 
  • We’re not old… We are former teenagers. 
  • I’m so grateful that we were in our youth and naiveté before cell phones, the internet, and all of that proof. 
  • You’re legally too old to drop it like it’s hot at the age of 38. So how about you just take a seat where it’s comfortable? 
  • We’ll never get over the hill; after all, we’ll be too exhausted to even attempt to climb it. 
  • Happy birthday from a friend who is much (much) younger than you.
  • Happy birthday to a deservingly valued individual. After all, it’s rare to locate fossils from your time period. 
  • The saying goes that age is just a number. It’s a very, very large number for you. 
  • “You know you’re becoming old when the cake costs more than the candles.
  • I am aware that you detest attention, especially on your birthday. I simply wanted to wish you a happy birthday and let you know that, fortunately, there aren’t many left. 
  • How do stars compare to dentures? They both leave their homes at night!
  • Keep in mind that you don’t have to rewind Netflix movies after you finish watching them. 
  • You’re so elderly that the obituary section gives you status updates on your buddies. 
  • Calm down; you’re not aging. You’ve been old for a while; that ship has sailed. 
  • We are all going to get old. Mostly you, though. Happy birthday, a seasoned veteran. 
  • Congratulations on surviving another year! 
  • Another year away from velcro shoes, walkers, and hearing aids!
Old People Puns

Old People Jokes

Keep your mind fresh with these amusing age-related jokes and quips. It turns out that a little amount of good laughing might even delay the appearance of wrinkles. So, what are you waiting for? Let’s dig into it.

  • Who is all grown up and prepared for their yearly colonoscopy? 
  • They tried to sell you because you were so ancient when you entered the antique shop. 
  • When your back hurts more than it used to, you know you’re getting older. I hope you have the happiest of birthdays while rocking in your chair! 
  • Don’t worry about your eyesight getting worse as you age. Nature does this to protect you from shock as you pass a mirror. 
  • Growing older doesn’t necessarily make you smarter. Simply put, there aren’t as many stupid things left to do that you haven’t already done.
  • I won’t make any old-age jokes to detract from this important event because I’m 59. You should rejoice in your continued existence since it truly is a miracle that you are still alive. 
  • Just add some tequila if you find it difficult to accept your new age. That ought to solve the issue.
  • The Dead Sea was only diseased when you were born. 
  • Do you want to know the key to maintaining a smokin’ attractive physique at your age, 62? Cremation. 
  • You ought to give your ranch the name “Pasture Prime” if you ever own one. 
  • Are you aware that becoming older comes with a reward? Yes, atrophy does happen. 
  • As you mature, avoid consuming healthful meals and instead go for packaged crap. You will require as many preservatives as you can find. 
  • I’ve got some fantastic retirement advice for you. Call the restroom “the Jim” rather than “the John.” You’ll be able to say things like, “I visit Jim first thing every morning!”
  • You’ve reached the age where things are starting to make sense. Your elbows, hips, and knees… 
  • Age is a relative concept; thus, 68. Everyone in your family keeps telling you how old you are. 
  • Don’t allow becoming older to get you down. After all, getting back up again is difficult at your age. 
  • Don’t you think this whole birthday thing is getting old? 
  • You and wine go together like peas and carrots. With aging, wine gets better, and drinking wine gets you better. 
  • Age is only a number; don’t list it. 
  • “Three things happen as you age: Your memory deteriorates, and I can’t recall the other two,” said the person.
  • I wasn’t sure what you wanted for your birthday, so I didn’t purchase you anything. Your age typically… Depends. 
  • You are particularly fine in wine years. 
  • You still possess all of the possessions you did twenty years ago. All of it is now slightly lower. 
  • You’ll still pass muster. Just a little assistance will be required to open the jar. 
  • When you roll a joint at this age, it typically just involves your ankle.
  • They assert that wisdom increases with age. You must be the world’s wisest person if that’s the case! 
  • For your birthday, I’m taking you out to dinner. Do you think you can get us all the senior discount?!? 
  • You simply became tastier in whiskey years. 
Old People Puns
  • Birthdays are healthy for you; According to statistics, you live longer if you have more. 
  • Growing older has many advantages… If you refer to it as a “senior moment,” you can get away with almost anything! 
  • Congratulations on achieving the magic number of 86! You ponder things like where your keys are, the day of the week, and the location of your parked car.
  • The trick to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
  • May you always get off the couch in two tries or less this year. 
  • At least you aren’t as old as you will be in a year when you turn 89! 
  • Before the first candles on your cake burn out, we’ll try to light the rest of them. Better luck than last year, please! 
  • May you receive on your birthday as much adoration and attention as the typical millennial feels entitled to every day. 
  • Happy birthday to someone who is now taking medication on their birthday for legitimate, significant medical needs.
  • As you age, your skills improve, except if you’re a banana. 
  • If you didn’t know your age, how old would you be?  
  • Birthday greetings! Accept my heartfelt sympathies for your advanced age. 
  • Growing older is compared to living in a haunted house, so I’ve heard. There are numerous sounds and odors that are inexplicable. 
  • I wanted to get you something to take you back to your younger years for your birthday. However, they were all out of dinosaur bones and cave paintings, so I could only get you this card. 
  • The other day, a disgruntled wife shared her notion of retirement with me”Twice the husband for half the money.” 
  • You will eventually get to the point where you start boasting about your age instead of lying about it. 
  • Never listen to someone who claims that you are becoming older. With your rocker, squish their toes. 
  • As we age, fewer things seem to be worth standing in line for. 
  • Some people make an effort to reset their odometers. Not me. I’d like people to understand why I appear this way. Some of the roads I’ve traveled on were unpaved, and I’ve come a long way.
  • Being emotionally and psychologically stable is a sign of maturity. You have reached the point where you know when to say “yes,” “no,” and “whoop!” 
  • If you didn’t know your age, how old would you be? 
  • Just think of algebra when you’re feeling unsatisfied and want to go back to your childhood. 
  • When everything either leaks or dries up, you know you are getting older. 
  • I had no idea how I climbed the hill without reaching the summit. 
  • Actually, the “golden years” are just years when you have silver in your hair, gold in your teeth, and lead in your rear. 
  • If we could simply be born and slowly get closer to 18, life would be immeasurably happier.
  • One of the many things about being older that no one ever tells you is how much nicer it is than being young. 
  • Age rarely comes easily or quickly. More frequently, it is a series of jerks. 
  • Yes, being young is attractive, but becoming older is more convenient. 
  • When you are old, your former students may not recognize you since you are so grey, wrinkly, and blind. 
  • You won’t have something to laugh at when you’re older if you don’t learn to laugh at difficulties.
  • A Cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he would live a long life. As a result, he did this rigorously every morning. He made it all the way to age 96. 
  • He left behind a 16-foot hole in the crematorium wall as well as eight children, 24 grandchildren, and 60 great-grandchildren. 
  • The key to maintaining a smoking-hot physique in old age? Cremation. 
  • A woman complains to her doctor, “I have a painful back.” Age, the doctor argues, is to blame. I want a second view, the woman declares. The doctor acknowledges that you are ugly as well. 
  • I’m like a fine wine in my old age. Containing 15% alcohol.
  • I met an aunt today. She was going to college to deliver her lecture. I was a bit confused. I thought she was going to the doctor. 
  • The thing about being old is that you miss being young. 
  • Enjoy as much as of your youth until you grow old.
Old People Puns

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